Ruthless Husband, Convenient Wife Page 8
Or the way he took her in his arms and kissed her. The sort of kiss she had only ever seen in silly, old romantic films. The sort of kiss Tom had never given her. The sort of kiss she had longed for ever since she was a dreamy little girl, when stars had been as bright as the ones now over her head.
He held her so tightly, kissed her so passionately. Penny felt herself melting in his arms. Her fingers wandered through the crisp curls at the back of his strong neck. She loved the smell of his hair, male and sweet.
‘You’re the most beautiful woman I ever saw,’ he whispered, his hands caressing her back. ‘The moment I saw you I wanted you so badly it made me tremble.’
‘It was the same for me,’ she said in a shaky voice.
The night was warm, the liquid song of birds was all around them. And then Ryan picked her up in his arms, the way she’d only seen men do in those romantic old films, and carried her to her bed, and laid her down as gently as though she were a piece of thistledown.
He undressed her slowly while he kissed her, so many times, and so ardently, that she felt her lips swell as though stung by a bee. It had never been like this with Tom, not remotely like this. Tom had never considered her feelings in the slightest, and, since he had been her only real lover in all her life, Penny had never felt her own desire grow like this—an overwhelming need that was wild and fierce and beautiful.
Ryan kissed her naked breasts, her stomach, the silky skin of her thighs. Suddenly so shy with him, she tried to stop him from kissing any further.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘I’ve—I’ve never done this before,’ she whispered.
He smiled, his eyes glowing in the soft darkness. ‘Never?’
‘Never.’
‘Try it and see. It’s perfectly normal.’
Not to me, she wanted to tell him. Tom had never treated her body as something beautiful—only as a thing he wanted to plunder, to loot, so that he could fill his need.
Ryan settled his broad shoulders between her thighs. He kissed her gently, his mouth telling her how wonderful he found her taste, her smell. His fingers gently spread her, so that he could unfold her petals and reach all her secret places with his tongue.
The pleasure of his kiss was the most tender thing she had ever felt. He seemed to know everything about her, so that physical delight—something that had only been fleeting with Tom—grew into a force as irresistible as that river flowing out there in the Mexican night…and she reached the place that Tom had never taken her to.
In her inexperience, she assumed that it could only happen once. She didn’t know that Ryan could take her to that place again and again, as many times as she was capable of going there; that he loved to give her pleasure for her own sake, a gift freely given, no sooner given than renewed again.
His lovemaking was a universe away from Tom’s. With Ryan, she felt her soul united to that of another human being. Although by then she wasn’t thinking of Tom at all. She was in a world created by Penny Wellcome and Ryan Wolfe.
So much of her life had been a quicksand lately. Ryan was massive, real, the only reality she had any more.
He wanted to prolong things, savour every inch of her. But she needed him with a swelling urgency. She wanted him so badly that her whole body seemed to cry out for him. She reached for his arousal, feeling his thick hardness in her hand.
‘I can’t wait,’ she said urgently. ‘Now, Ryan.’
He mounted her, his dark face intent as he looked down at her. The moon was over his shoulder, a golden light in a velvet blue sky. Penny raised her hips to take him, whispering his name.
‘Please,’ she said.
‘Penny,’ he whispered. She was melting wet, and he pushed in, filling her completely.
‘Oh, Ryan, Ryan,’ she was whimpering.
‘Am I hurting you?’
‘No. Please, Ryan.’
He went deep into her, so deep and tender. It was a union so perfect that she felt herself start to climax already. He supported his weight on his elbows, covering her face with hot kisses. He paused, holding still so she could writhe beneath him, crushing her pleasure from him, drinking in that sweet moment.
‘Don’t stop, Ryan,’ she commanded fiercely. ‘Come to me.’
He gathered her in his arms, whispering her name, and now he gave himself to her with nothing held back. He was a powerful, big man, and he almost crushed her. She could only cling to him, transfigured by his passion. Tom had never made love to her like this. This was something beyond her experience. She felt she was floating above herself, her spirit twisting in a sinuous dance to the beat of his love.
She was crying as they climaxed together.
He kissed away her tears, telling her, ‘You’ll always be mine, Penny, always and forever.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
THAT was the first time. And every time after that was just as passionate and just as intense.
And everything kept moving at the same dizzying pace, like a DVD movie running on double speed.
Within a fortnight, they had travelled to Paris, Berlin and Amsterdam together, and Mexico was only a golden memory. By then Ayala’s Angel was wrapping up. She was offered more work on a film being shot in the Hebrides, but Ryan was filling her nights and days, and she turned it down.
He gave her a credit card of her own, drawn on his bank. A gold card, naturally, with no limit.
When she went down to Devon to see her mother and Aubrey on her mother’s birthday, her mother marvelled at the credit card.
‘It shows how much he trusts you, darling,’ she said.
Penny privately thought that it showed things were moving much too fast, but she didn’t say so. ‘I haven’t bought a thing for myself with it,’ she told her mother. ‘I only use it to get things for the household.’
‘I’m sure he means you to use it for yourself, darling.’
‘You should go on a spending spree,’ Aubrey advised with a smile. ‘Buy a few little trinkets from Asprey’s. That should test whether he really means it or not!’
When she got back to London after her visit, Ryan took her out to dinner at Claridge’s. She had never been inside the famous Mayfair hotel, through she had passed its handsome red-brick façade many times.
The restaurant was beautiful. She had always had a weakness for Art Deco styling, and the understated elegance of the large, quiet room, with its mirrored murals and original 1920s light fittings, seemed to her to epitomise the grace of a bygone era.
‘How was everybody at home?’ Ryan asked her.
‘Fine,’ she replied. ‘Very eager to meet my mystery lover!’
‘We’ll go down and see them soon,’ he promised.
They ordered their meal. As usual when they dined out, Ryan ordered champagne and oysters to start. Penny had grown to adore champagne, though her relationship with oysters was best described as love-hate. Sometimes they seemed absolutely delicious to her, sometimes she wanted nothing more than to spit them across the room.
The oysters at Claridge’s tonight were delicious, pearly scraps that melted on the tongue, leaving a haunting taste of the sea on Penny’s palate.
‘I want to talk to you about something, Ryan,’ she said, sipping the Roederer, which was ice-cold and very dry.
‘Go ahead,’ he said, buttering her a slice of brown bread.
‘I need your advice. You know what happened to me at university this year. Well, I have to decide what I’m going to do next.’
‘Next?’ he enquired.
‘Well, doing flowers for the movies is great fun, but it’s hardly a steady career.’
‘I agree completely,’ he said. He was wearing formal evening clothes. She was in a silver sheath dress that went perfectly with the décor. Even in this exclusive setting, they were a couple handsome enough to attract every eye in the room.
‘So I have to decide. I’m going to be twenty-three soon. I can’t just drift. I’ve got two ideas.’
‘Yes?’ he prompted.
If she had been expecting him to look excited by her alternatives, she was disappointed. He frowned a little impatiently. ‘Neither of those options appeals to me, Penny,’ he said shortly.
‘Why not?’ she asked in surprise. ‘My parents want me to finish my degree. I can see their point. But somehow, after what happened, I’ve lost my nerve. I’m afraid of going back to university. Is that a cowardly thing to admit to? And since I’ve been in London I’ve learned that I can make a career out of flowers and decorating. People are always asking me to—’
‘I don’t want you to open a shop,’ he cut in. ‘And I don’t want you to go back to university.’
His tone was peremptory, and Penny sat back, her eyebrows raised. ‘Have I said something wrong?’
‘It’s good that you’re thinking about your future,’ he said. ‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it for some time, so I’m glad you raised the subject.’ He was twirling his champagne glass restlessly between his strong, lean fingers. ‘But why do you want to get away from me, just when we’ve found each other?’
‘I don’t want to get away from you,’ she replied, taken aback.
‘If you went back to university, you would be gone for whole terms at a time,’ he retorted. ‘And if you went to work in some shop, I would never see you at all. Of course you would be away from me!’
‘Ryan, I have to sort my life out,’ she said. ‘I can’t just drift,’ she repeated.
Ryan gestured briefly at their surroundings, the tall, gracious columns, the exquisitely dressed people, the delicate murals. ‘You call this drifting?’
‘Drifting in luxury,’ she said with a smile, attempting to lighten the mood. ‘I don’t want to turn into your kept woman.’
She saw at once that she had said the wrong thing again. His eyebrows came down angrily. The waiter arrived to clear away the tray of ice and oysters, preventing him from saying anything for a moment. When the waiter had gone, he leaned forward.
‘I do not see you as my kept woman! How can you say something like that?’
‘I didn’t mean to offend you. I only mean that I want to be responsible for myself.’
He was still looking grim. ‘By running away from me?’
Penny sighed. ‘You said you wanted to discuss things with me. So tell me, what’s your idea about my future?’ she asked.
‘I want you to move in with me.’
‘I need my own space.’
‘You can have your own space in our apartment, darling. You won’t want for anything, my love. Anything you want. Just say the word, and it will be yours.’
‘That’s the problem, Ryan. The more I accept from you, the more dependent on you I become. You are the most generous man I ever knew—but you’re taking away my will to fight.’
‘What battle, exactly, do you need to fight?’ he growled.
‘The battle of life,’ she said with a smile. ‘Ryan, I’m only twenty-two. To tell you the truth, I still don’t really know who I am. I’ve made rather a mess of things so far! I won’t ever know who I am unless I take charge of my life a little.’
The waiters had returned, and began to serve their next course. Penny watched the delicious food being set out on fine bone china with solid silver cutlery. In the silver dress, she looked lovely, very much a part of this glittering world. But inside she was feeling cold and unhappy. Ryan’s face was expressionless, but she knew he was seriously displeased.
When the waiters had left them, they started to eat. But both of them were doing no more than toy with what was on their plates.
‘I’m not sure if I’ve expressed myself well,’ she said, wanting to smooth things over.
‘You’ve expressed yourself perfectly,’ he replied.
‘Ryan, if I moved in with you, what would I do with myself all day?’
‘You would be with me,’ he replied. ‘Wouldn’t that be enough for you?’
‘As what? Your hanger-on? Your concubine? There in your bed when you wanted me?’
‘I thought you enjoyed being in my company,’ he said, his eyes meeting hers.
‘Travelling to four different countries in a month is something of a shock for a girl who’s hardly been out of her home town before,’ she said. ‘But it’s not so much a relationship as a whirlwind.’
‘I didn’t realise you didn’t enjoy travelling.’
‘Of course I do! I just haven’t seen my flatmates for days.’
‘I don’t necessarily see that as a problem,’ he said drily. He did not like her friends, and he made no secret of that.
‘Don’t sneer at them,’ she said indignantly.
‘I’m sorry. But most of them seem to be rootless, unemployed drifters you picked up since moving into your digs. I don’t exactly find them stimulating. You know I want you to make friends among my circle.’
‘Film stars and movie producers,’ she said acidly.
‘You’ve got some objection?’
‘Glittery people like other glittery people, Ryan. They’re not interested in me.’
‘On the contrary,’ he said, ‘my friends all love you—you know that. What don’t you like about our lifestyle?’
‘Ryan, a gold card is not a lifestyle.’
He laid his knife and fork down. ‘Are you deliberately trying to make me angry?’ he asked in a silky voice.
‘No,’ she retorted, ‘but I hope you’re not deliberately trying to insult me, either.’
‘Insult you?’ he asked ominously.
‘You are very generous. I’ve already said that. I’m grateful for the gifts, the travel, the kindness you’ve showered on me. But I’m not a freeloader. I don’t give my love on the basis of airline tickets or designer labels.’
Ryan poured wine for them both. His face was set. He set the bottle down and leaned back. ‘I want you to understand something, Penny,’ he said. ‘I’m not a monk. I’ve known many women in my life. Some have lasted longer than others. But I always knew that none of them were right for me. For my whole life, I’ve been looking for one woman. One special person, someone I sometimes thought I would never meet. I’d almost given up hope—until I met you. The moment I saw you, I knew you were the one. The woman I had been looking for all my life.’
Penny felt her heart constrict. She did not know whether his words were filling her with joy—or panic. ‘I’m just someone you took a fancy to,’ she said with an attempt at lightness.
‘No,’ he said flatly. ‘You’re the woman I love.’
‘What’s to love?’ she asked with a shaky laugh. ‘I’m just me.’
‘You may not know who you are,’ he said, ‘but I do. And I love the person I know.’
It was the first time he had said that he loved her. The impact of his words was like a bombshell in her heart, exploding all her flimsy plans into smithereens. ‘You’re a very passionate man,’ she said. ‘I’m afraid I’m much more pragmatic. I worry about the rent, the weather, whether I’ve remembered my mother’s birthday.’
‘Don’t you know what love is?’ he asked her.
‘Ryan, I told you what happened to me with Tom. He said he loved me, and I thought I loved him. But it was just a trap. I lost everything I had because of it—almost my sanity, even. I’m just not ready to enter another intense relationship.’
‘You already have done.’
‘No—you have done. I’m trying to keep my head above water.’
‘I can give you plenty of work, if that is what you want,’ he said. ‘I need to entertain a lot, and you’ve always made my parties wonderful successes. If you want to put that on a business footing, then we will.’
‘I’ll always be happy to do your parties. You know I don’t want to be paid for doing that!’
‘If you started a shop, then you would be paid for doing that—wo
rking for total strangers, instead of for me.’
‘If I started a shop, I would be in control of my own life. That’s what is important to me right now.’
‘More important than I am to you?’
‘Damn it, Ryan! Why must you turn everything into an either-or?’
‘Because I don’t want to lose you, just when I’ve found you!’ he said urgently.
‘Darling, you wouldn’t be losing me.’ She reached for his hand across the table and took it in her own. ‘You would just be letting me become myself.’
‘You become yourself every time I make love to you,’ he said, his eyes smoky.
‘That’s true,’ she said, ‘in one sense. In another sense, the more dependent on you I become, the less myself I am.’
The head waiter, who obviously knew Ryan well, materialised at their table. ‘Is everything quite all right, sir?’ he asked in concern, looking at their untouched plates.
‘Fine,’ Ryan said impatiently, releasing Penny’s fingers. ‘Take it away, please.’
The plates were cleared in silence.
In the interval before their pudding—which she was sure neither of them would eat—was brought in, Penny spoke in a low voice. ‘I thought you cared enough about me to want me to develop, Ryan.’
‘I want you at my side,’ he said with force. ‘I will not let you go!’
‘You may have to.’
‘Don’t even think about it,’ he said harshly.
‘Don’t threaten me,’ she said, her hackles rising. ‘That’s what Tom used to do to me.’
‘I am not Tom!’
‘You are becoming sufficiently like him to make me feel nauseous,’ she retorted. ‘Leave me and I will make sure you fail your exams. Disobey me and you will regret it. I heard enough of that for eighteen months, Ryan! I won’t take any more.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he replied, his mouth bitter. ‘I am nothing like that little creep.’
‘No. You’re aiming for the big-creep title.’
His eyes blazed. ‘You’re forgetting yourself, Penny,’ he said in a silky voice.
‘As a matter of fact, I’ve just remembered who I am.’ She reached into her handbag and took out the gold card he had given her, with her name engraved on it. ‘I never needed this in the first place, but thanks all the same.’